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Tuesday, July 1, 2008

These days are bound to happen

When I think about where Amanda was a little over a week ago and how well she is doing considering that, I am amazed at her ability to accept change. Monday June 23 she was taken from her only home and given to complete strangers, her life as she knew it was changed forever. She did not know we wanted to take her home to give her a life with a loving family, sisters and brothers to play with, or a school to attend. She just knew her beloved caregivers were gone.

I have to keep reminding myself that she does not know me. I dreamed about her, grew to love her little face, and she has been a part of my life for almost 10 months now. Yet I knew nothing of who she truly was. Still, I felt like I knew her when I saw her grumpily eating her last meal at the orphanage! That little face all scrunched in displeasure should have been a clue that Miss Amanda has an eating disorder of some kind. (no I don't mean anorexia or anything like that)

I wrote what I did in the blog today because I was trying to be true to our journey by reporting how we feel during it. I have read blogs where everything is coming up roses, believe me, they leave out a lot in them, adoption journeys have ups and downs, sometimes a lot, sometimes all in one day. Sure I have only adopted two times, but I think that I have talked to enough adoptive parents to make that statement.

I don't want anyone worrying that a little bump like a stressful day would change how we felt about Amanda, it doesn't, not any more than it does for our other children when they try our patience. I do not expect my children to always like me or to want to be with me. They shouldn't, and it is perfectly normal. I have been a mother 32 years, there have been many trying times amidst all the joy. I love being a mother.
Please try not to worry about me, about us, we are actually doing well together 95% of the time.

Thank you blog readers and friends for caring about us.


GoldenAngelsWorks said...

I think you are doing wonderful with all you are going through.
I do not think anyone in their right mind could think that an adoption whether on native or foreign soil would be easy.
You are an inspiration to so many and you impress me everyday.

Please take care and try to have some fun exploring who Amanda is and Estonia has to offer.

carol said...

I totally agree with everything you just said. I think you and Amanda are doing amazing. I have never adopted so i cant not speak of that . But I do have 4 children. I think there is a point where every mother wants to pull her hair out and wonder how we will make it through the day. Then the next day is wonderful. Kids will be kids that is all there is to it.You are a wonderful mother, friend and all around person. I am honored to say I know you much less be your friend.
counting down the days with you.
carol n

Alice said...

I really appreciate your honesty!! You have touched on many of my fears, and helped me face others I hadn't thought of yet. I think you are handling everything brilliantly, and so is Amanda. I can't wait for you to get home. It will be so much easier for both of you when you are with your family. I'm praying for sun and a big apetite.

Dolores said...

I understand. Don't feel bad, you'll get through this part!

Charlotte said...


It is wonderful to see the honesty ! All them people with them beautiful roses are hiding the bandaids on there fingers from them thorns they were trying to pluck ! LOL

Love that you keep writing !

You are truly a gift to me, to be able to track someone so closely on the trip I plan to embark on soon !

By the way ~ Diana in now on hold for me ! Agency got the homestudy, I am approved !

Charlotte and crew

Amy said...

I think it's great that you are so honest. I know that some go over thinking about roses and as Charlotte said they forget the thorns.

Any time you add to your family, in anyway it's got lots of thorns. Whether it's a newborn, 10 month old, 6 yr old or even older.

When you take a person (especially a child of any age) and add them it's hard. You smell funny (no offense) talk funny, eat funny things and want them to do it to. We wont even talk about taking a bath, I mean really have you lost your mind!

I can't begin to imagine the changes little Amanda has gone through yet she is a trooper and keeps on going. You are giving her the wonderful example to just keep going. No matter what's thrown at you, you just keep on loving her and keep on going.

As time goes on those thorns wont be as sharp and wont hurt quite so bad and eventually you say what thorns?

Hang in there it's gonna get better :)
Amy from RR

Marlo said...

I personally haven't met a mom yet who hasn't had one of those days with any of their kids. :) And in the end, this blog is yours and Amanda's to share, no need to apologize for anything you put it in. We are all readers of your story and all of us are big fans!

MysticBlueRose said...

I cannot imagine what she feels with all the changes. Just know that love for her will win out, and all this confusion will be left in the murky past of memories not remembered.

My three little girls

My three little girls
Finally got all three to smile at once